OK, imagine this. You and your friends decide to go out to a nice club to have a few drinks. Across the room, you spot a beautiful woman staring at you: cute face, slim waste, knockers – the whole shebang! You acknowledge the stare by buying her a drink, then proceed to go over and engage her in conversation.

After a few drinks, you’re both adults, so you unanimously decide to bid farewell to your friends and catch a cab back to your place. On the way home you give yourself a mental high five and applaud your game for bagging such a beautiful woman.

Get back to your place, you start with the usual “Can I get you anything?”, she replies “Riesling please”…#Classy. You both have a glass, you dim the lights, light a candle – some sweet smelling shit from Bed, Bath and Beyond – turn on the “late night” mix, move closer, and kiss her in the mouth. One thing leads to the next, and you’re both in your room tongue wrestling on the satin sheets.

She removes her dress to reveal some sexy lingerie from Victoria Secret – you like that, lean back in and resume kissing her. You kiss her neck, shoulder, then chest all the while fiddling with her bra latch. Finally, it comes undone and you brace yourself for the big reveal.

The straps hang on her shoulders for a bit, before making their way all the way off. You feel her flesh on your flesh, it feels warm! You lean back, to get the full view, only to see that she has no nipples! How would that make you feel?

Outside of the ol’ “Which came first, the chicken or the egg” thing, this question has haunted the chicken since its existence. “Do chickens have nipples?!”

I mean they must right? They have breasts! Every breast I’ve ever seen has a nipple…I think! Is a breast a breast without a nipple? Or is it just a soft, smooth, protruding excess of fatty skin? This was the very question I had, so I did a little digging, and this is what I found!

Chickens DO NOT have nipples, and nipples are [almost] exclusively exclusive to mammals (with a few exceptions, one of which being the platypus which is a nipple-less mammal).

In doing my research, I also came across this “fact”: mammals have nipples so that they can nourish their young. BULLSHIT! My best friend is a mammal and is due to have a baby girl, and I am pretty sure that he won’t be offering up a titty during feeding time!

This led me to my next question, why do men have nipples? Did early man-nipples serve a purpose other than being small dots on a chest that poke out? Did Adam breast feed baby Cain and Abel while Eve was out apple picking? Makes you wonder…OK, back to the chickens!

My recent discovery has led me to believe that everything I thought I knew about breasts is false. All of these years of seasoning, tenderizing and devouring chicken, and it never dawned on me that there was something vital missing from this beautiful piece of meat. Makes me question, is a chicken’s breast really a breast? Or is is just some soft, smooth, protruding excess of fatty skin?

The next time you see a hen, just roaming around confused in his “hen-bin”, please show him a little sympathy, because the only breasts he knows have no nipples.

by secsualchoklate